Stage an Intervention-place your cell in the trunk, between the headphones of a noise cancelling headset in an air tight cooler. Otherwise, you’ll hyperventilate when Uncle Huey’s ring tone goes off, and you just know he’s found a neon green food trailer that specializes in Sushi Tacos and he wants you to swing by to test one.
Revisit the Sticky Note-keep a running list on the back of your sun visor of all the texts you’ll have to carry out in the Walmart toy isle. This way you won’t accidently text “Can Joey do a Play Doh?” while you harass the Employee of the Month for being out-of-stock on playdates.
Flap Your Vocal Cords- You can still talk “cell”. Use all your favorite expressions with the human sitting right beside you (that one in the passenger seat). “Can you hear me now?”, “I’m about to hit a dead zone.”, “I’ll get back to you.” They may even shoot you back some sympathy. “If you can hear me still, call me back in five minutes.”, “I’m getting in an elevator.” “OMG! When did they put a Starbucks on this corner?”
Adult Car Games-we’ve moved beyond “Find the 50 State license plates”. Join the YouTube ranks searching for the best “wreck still on wheels” or “original bumper sticker”. Post your winner, but only after you’ve pulled your car to a complete emergency stop in the road side “cell safety zone”.
Español Caliente -run a scan for spicy Spanish talk radio. Who knew it was this easy to pick up a second language?
Role Reversal- since you’ve resigned yourself to making cellular calls from your Serta, prepare for the rest of your day on the road; eat breakfast, apply your make-up, read the paper, paint your nails, shave.
“Rock the Casbah”-Station your own mobile music revival; pull out your plush dice, fur up the dashboard, and revitalize your Karaoke skills with a round of “Coward of the County”, “One Night in Bangkok”, and Aldo Nova’s “Fantasy”.
Texting Tutorial-Prepare your pre-teens for high school (those smiling individuals in the backseat with a few more years to go before they also face cell phone withdrawal) with verbal texting lingo quizzes; AMRMTYFTS, DARFC, FYSBIGTBABN, or RUMCYMHMD. Windshield with a View-Reacquaint yourself with your peripheral vision; the abundant wildflowers in the roadside gutters, the pleasant sight of fit gentlemen out for a 30 mile bike ride over lunch, the waves of butterflies that end up in your grill each fall, while the personal possessions of the white pick-up in front of you launch off his truck bed.
Measure of Last Resort- Yes, introspective thinking. Start with a low dose, maybe a mile or two. Slowly work yourself up to a full, 10 minute errand. Be aware, overexposure to this activity can lead to new insight, deeper relationships, even sparks of inspiration. Remember, you’re in a minivan, responsible for the lives of six, adrenaline spazzing, soccer players; this isn’t a 4 a.m. breakfast at Denny’s with your college buddies. The days when we unknowingly risked the lives of every other driver while we texted and talked our way around town are fading away in our rear-view mirror, but now we can steer ourselves to a place where we feel connected without being dependant on cellular communication.
Other Sloan Images’ Articles:
- Judge Joe Brown :: Cheap Wedding Photographer Video (sloanimagesuniversity.com)
- An UPDATE about my voicemail message and policies :: Omaha Photographer (sloanimagesblog.com)
- LifeSource Chiropractic :: What an amazing experience! (sloanimagesblog.com)
- Sick, Sick, Sick (sloanimagesblog.com)
- Where the story begins… (sloanimagesblog.com)
- There are TWO… (sloanimagesblog.com)
by Christina
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