Christina Sloan: an international portrait and wedding photographer based in Omaha, NE » Christina is a fun, spunky, fabulous photographer who creates art with her camera for the most amazing clients on the planet!

Something peculiar happened to Jim McHenry this afternoon. The executive staff meeting started to sound, miraculously, like his daughter’s first grade class and the CEO morphed into something akin to the teacher, Ms. Hucklesome.

CEO-enters wearing a sweater vest with I LOVE TO BOSS stitched across the breast and an open smile. “Ladies and Gentleman, open your notebooks if you can hear me…. As I can clearly see…why I hardly need to mention it… you all are doing so well today… I’d like to congratulate you for coming in so quietly and preparing for our current activity. Chris and Mark….fantastic job lining up the Flash presentations without a fist fight. You did that very well.  We’re here to share any progress that any of you have made in your assignments. Now who would like to share with us first?”

Crickets- sing a low cadence

CEO- “Anyone?  Anyone? Come on, surely someone did SOMETHING in the last two weeks.”

Mark-raises hand, waving with excessive energy. CEO appears not to notice Mark. Rest of table rolls their eyes and huffs.

CEO-“Ron, since you’re the first one to get our product to power up, we’ll let you share first. How is your project coming along: the reengineering of our 1.21 gigawatt flux capacitor?”

Ron-“I hate my product!  I don’t want to do it! I never wanted to do it! I’ll die before that stupid thing works.” Crosses arms over chest.

CEO-“I hired you Ron because I BELIEVE you can do it.  All you have to do is try, Ronny. Don’t do, just try!”

Ron-“I guess. But I really want to do what Nancy gets to do.”

CEO-“Nancy chose to be an office manager just like you chose to be a V.P. of Engineering.  You’ll get a mid-life crisis in four years; you can make a career change then.”  Look of compassion for Ron. “Do you think you can get something done in the next two months?” Ron nods slightly, sulking. “That would be great!  All of us would be very proud of you if got something done.  Okay?  Today we have a very special guest speaker.  Can we all say, ‘Good afternoon, Lori?’ to our C.F.O?”

Lori- stands, nods her head, and gives a slight wave.  “Hi! Today I’m going to talk about our money.  We did a bad job last quarter…that’s three months Mark.  We went broke, no thanks to John who expensed a $700 bottle of wine at a business dinner.  That’s way too much John!  Stop doing that John!  He has to order water or milk!”  Lori sits down.

CEO- “Thank you Lori.  Wonderful job making eye contact with everyone.  Can you tell John how much you appreciate that he got his expense report in on time.”

Lori-“Thank you John…Do you want to sit by me at lunch today?” John shrugs.

CEO-“Chris, could you please stop texting.  You are not being very considerate of your teammates.  If we have to discuss this again there will be a drop in your salary.”  Chris quickly conceals I-Phone.

Nancy-“When do I get to talk?”

CEO-“We’d love to hear from you Nancy.  Thanks for asking so nicely.”

Nancy-“We’re going through the printer paper like school kids at the sundae bar!  I know SOOOMEONNNE is printing more than their share.  I only get paper at the end of the month.  We’re gonna run out, I know it… so too bad!”

CEO- “Ladies and Gentleman, before you hit the print button, ask yourself. ‘Do I REALLY need a hard copy?’  Nancy, it’s okay to buy more paper, sweetheart, even in the middle of the month.  That will be just fine.”  Nancy smiles and goes back to swirling her chair and checking her emails.

CEO- Notices whispering in the background. “Lori and John, could you please rejoin us?  Thank you so much. I really love when I have your full attention. That’s your second warning. Another error in miscommunication and they’ll be a decrease in your health benefits.” Mark raises his hand again, frantically waving. “Oh, I’m so sorry Mark.  We don’t have time to discuss your progress.  You’ll be the first to share next time, I promise.  Okay, let’s return to our desks, turn on our computers, and try to accomplish something. If you need to gossip over the water cooler, this would be a very good time to do that. Thank you so much for your time and attention. Uno, dos, tres…let’s kick Microsoft outta first place.”

Crickets- sing a low cadence

Other Sloan Images’ Articles:

• Let’s Chat about the first time I met Ms. Katie… :: Omaha Wedding Photographer
• Among the trees… the leaves… :: Omaha Family Photographs
• I hope you never lose your sense of wonder… :: Omaha Children’s Photographer
• A Vintage Twist… :: Omaha Wedding Photographer

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Stage an Intervention-place your cell in the trunk, between the headphones of a noise cancelling headset in an air tight cooler.  Otherwise, you’ll hyperventilate when Uncle Huey’s ring tone goes off, and you just know he’s found a neon green food trailer that specializes in Sushi Tacos and he wants you to swing by to test one.

Revisit the Sticky Note-keep a running list on the back of your sun visor of all the texts you’ll have to carry out in the Walmart toy isle.  This way you won’t accidently text “Can Joey do a Play Doh?” while you harass the Employee of the Month for being out-of-stock on playdates.

Flap Your Vocal Cords- You can still talk “cell”. Use all your favorite expressions with the human sitting right beside you (that one in the passenger seat). “Can you hear me now?”, “I’m about to hit a dead zone.”, “I’ll get back to you.”  They may even shoot you back some sympathy. “If you can hear me still, call me back in five minutes.”, “I’m getting in an elevator.”  “OMG! When did they put a Starbucks on this corner?”

Adult Car Games-we’ve moved beyond “Find the 50 State license plates”. Join the YouTube ranks searching for the best “wreck still on wheels” or “original bumper sticker”. Post your winner, but only after you’ve pulled your car to a complete emergency stop in the road side “cell safety zone”.

Español  Caliente -run a scan for spicy Spanish talk radio. Who knew it was this easy to pick up a second language?

Role Reversal- since you’ve resigned yourself to making cellular calls from your Serta, prepare for the rest of your day on the road; eat breakfast, apply your make-up, read the paper, paint your nails, shave.

“Rock the Casbah”-Station your own mobile music revival; pull out your plush dice, fur up the dashboard, and revitalize your Karaoke skills with a round of “Coward of the County”, “One Night in Bangkok”, and Aldo Nova’s “Fantasy”.

Texting Tutorial-Prepare your pre-teens for high school (those smiling individuals in the backseat with a few more years to go before they also face cell phone withdrawal) with verbal texting lingo quizzes; AMRMTYFTS, DARFC, FYSBIGTBABN, or RUMCYMHMD. Windshield with a View-Reacquaint yourself with your peripheral vision; the abundant wildflowers in the roadside gutters, the pleasant sight of fit gentlemen out for a 30 mile bike ride over lunch, the waves of butterflies that end up in your grill each fall, while the personal possessions of the white pick-up in front of you launch off his truck bed.

Measure of Last Resort- Yes, introspective thinking.  Start with a low dose, maybe a mile or two.  Slowly work yourself up to a full, 10 minute errand. Be aware, overexposure to this activity can lead to new insight, deeper relationships, even sparks of inspiration. Remember, you’re in a minivan, responsible for the lives of six, adrenaline spazzing, soccer players; this isn’t a 4 a.m. breakfast at Denny’s with your college buddies.  The days when we unknowingly risked the lives of every other driver while we texted and talked our way around town are fading away in our rear-view mirror, but now we can steer ourselves to a place where we feel connected without being dependant on cellular communication.

Other Sloan Images’ Articles:

• Judge Joe Brown :: Cheap Wedding Photographer Video (sloanimagesuniversity.com)
• An UPDATE about my voicemail message and policies :: Omaha Photographer (sloanimagesblog.com)
• LifeSource Chiropractic :: What an amazing experience! (sloanimagesblog.com)
• Sick, Sick, Sick (sloanimagesblog.com)
• Where the story begins… (sloanimagesblog.com)
• There are TWO… (sloanimagesblog.com)

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